jimjams

Archive for September 30th, 2007

Rosie O’Donnell’s Terrorist Fans

In Celebrities, Culture, Hollywood, Politics, Rosie, Television, Tom Cruise, entertainment on September 30, 2007 at 9:18 pm

Terrorist leaders are weighing in on Rosie O’Donnell’s geopolitical rantings.

Ramadan Adassi, the terrorist head of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, has said that he agrees with O’Donnell’s views. And Ala Senakreh, the West Bank Chief of the same terrorist group, is inviting Rosie to come on a fact-finding visit and live with them for a while.

“We welcome Rosie O’Donnell to stay among us and to get to know the truth from being here,” Senakreh said, according to author Aaron Klein.

O’Donnell’s rep says the idea that terrorists have picked Rosie for their pin-up poster is “absurd.”

But when you look at Rosie’s statements, it doesn’t seem that far-fetched.

Assisting in making the monsters appear cuddly, O’Donnell said, “Don’t fear the terrorists. They’re mothers and fathers.”

Helping to take the terrorists off the hook for the events of 9/11, she informed folks that the buildings were brought down in order to get rid of documents that incriminated Enron and other corporations.

Relieving the Iranian government of responsibility, the blustering blogger suggested that the Bush administration orchestrated the kidnapping of fifteen British sailors as a pretext for war.

Lending a hand to terrorist mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed who had confessed to more than 30 terrorist plots and the 9/11 attack, O’Donnell spread the word that the confession had been coerced via U.S. torture.

And who could forget when Rosie announced that our country had treated the Guantanamo inmates “like animals” and subjected them to “torture … on a daily basis.”

What does her rhetoric portend?

Rosie will be back on the tube real soon—on Al Jazeera.

The former object of Rosie’s affection, Tom Cruise, apparently intends to construct a $10 million bunker under his home in Telluride in order to keep wife Katie Holmes and daughter Suri safe from an intergalactic alien attack.

Cruise does have some interplanetary experience. After all, he starred in Steven Spielberg’s 2005 flick “War of the Worlds.”

According to Star Magazine, Cruise plans to hunker down in a bunker because of his devotion to the Church of Scientology. He reportedly believes that “an evil revenge attack” is being plotted by Xenu, a dethroned galactic potentate.

The structure will purportedly be “a self-contained underground shelter” with high tech air purifying capability.

Cruise’s rep denies the report and says it’s “completely untrue.”

Even though Hollywood publicists aren’t anxious to admit their clients have concerns over interstellar invasions from outer space, politicians are chomping at the bit to have another shot at a guest worker program.

L.A. Mayor Turns to Hillary for Extra-Marital Advice

In Celebrity News, Culture, Hollywood, Media, News and politics, Politics on September 30, 2007 at 9:13 pm

Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa’s trysts with a local reporter have caused him a world of trouble.

The once skyrocketing star of the Democrat Party recently admitted to having an extra-marital affair with Telemundo anchor Mirthala Salinas, who had been assigned to cover his mayoral-related activities.

Interestingly, Villaraigosa is seeking the sage advice of another Dem who presumably has some familiarity in how to deal with the infidelity issue.

During a recent episode of Michael Eisner’s CNBC talk show, the former Disney exec referred to the mayor as the “Hispanic Clinton.” Villaraigosa disclosed that he and Hillary Clinton had had the opportunity to discuss the affair that brought an end to the mayor’s marriage.

Eisner asked, “She’s [Hillary] never — because you were very close to her before it came out that you were having martial problems, let’s say. She’s not annoyed at you like she was annoyed at her husband?”

Villaraigosa replied, “We actually had a very good conversation about that…I’ll just say this. In life we sometimes make mistakes. There’s no question that we have to accept responsibility for those mistakes. I have.”

Ironically, Eisner also interviewed the blood spitting KISS rocker Gene Simmons.

And it was Simmons who praised the sanctity of marriage.